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Adelaide's Lament

(speaking) It says here in this book...
(singing) The average unmarried female, basically insecure,
Due to some long frustration may react
With chronic organic symptoms, difficult to endure,
Affecting the upper respiratory tract.

In other words, just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold,
A person can develop a cold.
You can spray her wherever you figure the streptococci lurk,
You can give her a shot for whatever she's got but it just won't work.
If she's tired of getting the fish-eye from the hotel clerk,
A person can develop a cold.

(speaking) It says here...
(singing) The female remaining single, just in the legal sense,
Shows a neurotic tendency (see note),
See note? Note:
With psychosomatic symptoms, toxic or hypertense,
Affecting the eye, the ear, the nose and the throat.

In other words, just from wondering whether the wedding is on or off,
A person can develop a cough.
You can feed her all day with the vitamin A and the Bromo Fizz,
But the medicine never gets anywhere near where the trouble is.
If she's getting a kind of name for herself and the name ain't his,
A person can develop a cough.

And furthermore, just from stalling and stalling and stalling the wedding trip,
A person can develop la grippe.
When they get on the train for Niagra, and she can hear church bells chime,
The compartment is air-conditioned, and the mood's sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time,
A person can develop la grippe, la grippe, la post-nasal drip,
With the wheezes and the sneezes and a sinus that's really a pip!
From a lack of community property, and a feeling she's getting too old,
A person can develop a bad, bad cold!

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